I started to have a fascinating conversation with someone about what do you look for in a slave or Master, which has led to this article.
The easy answer
You look at the profile. See that it fits your needs and wants. Look at the photos and make sure the person looks good.
Then you ask them what sort of play you do. Talk about the sessions that turn you on, and from there you know you have a match…
…but of course this is not true. And does not work.
The above is fine if you are looking for play but of you are looking for 24/7, or a more deeper relationship, are these really the important questions?
What are the useful questions?
- Are they a fantasist?
- What is the person like?
- What would life be like with them?
- Are they deranged / psychotic / dangerous
- Is there the x-factor between us?
- Is the form of slavery/ Mastery what I want?
- Do they have potential?
Are they a fantasist?
It is an unfortunate fact of life that when looking for 24/7, you will have to go through a large number of people who are fantasists and are not actually looking. How can you find out who is real and who is not?
As a slave one of the affective ways I have found is by asking questions unrelated to sex. An example is: “What would a typical day be like with you Sir?”
The reason why I like this is that it tries to find out if the Master has thought about a real life with a slave or just play. Sex is just a small part of living it as a lifestyle, and you want to see this reflected in the answer.
It is also a question that can take a little time to answer. So when people refuse to answer it or give a generic one sentence reply, you know that they are probably not really interested in this in reality.
A good answer I find is one, two paragraphs long and gives some details about what the daily duties and life as a slave would be.
A bad answer is one such as “Whatever i like.”
The Master is taking the easy way out and is providing you with no information about what life with this person would actually be like.
One of the worst responses I’ve had was: “Ull be totally controlled and micro managed. Ull serve me in everyway. Ill abuse u sexually physically and mentally.” And the Master refused to give any more information about anything. So based on these three small sentences I was to decide whether I move to live with him or not.
I find open questions very useful. An open question is one that there is no quick answer for.
An example of a closed question could be: “Does the slave eat from a dogbowl?” There is a simple yes or no answer to this question.
“How does the slave eat?” is an example of a more open question.
A very open question would be: “What values are important to you?” This question being very thought provoking and require a bit of time and thought to answer.
Open questions tend to be ones that start with What, Who, When, Which, Why, and How.
They take more effort to answer, and someone that does engage in answering these properly is someone that tends to be real.
The benefit of asking open questions is you also give no potential bias to the answer.
A dishonest person may see what you want and will answer the question in a way that excites you. Whereas asking the question more neutrally as an open question is slightly harder for someone to do that.
A Master needs to see whether you are real or not. Do they really want to put this effort into answering hard questions if you are a fantasist.
So they may also ask questions to you. “Why do you want to be a 24/7 slave?” “How does you submission come through in your life in general?”
And you should be prepared to think and answer questions like this properly. To rush and give short answers indicate you do not want to put the effort into answering properly.
But Masters also have another useful tool. And that is ordering you to do small tasks.
Most fantasists will not want to put the effort into doing a small task and it is a very useful way to filter them out. Example of actions can be:
- “Do some research and tell me the options of how you could do your job remotely while living at my house”
- “What job opportunities are available to you here where I live? Collate a list and send it to me.”
Notice how these have nothing to do with sex, but they are important questions if you are looking for a 24/7 relationship. They require the prospective slave to do some work and it helps prove if the slave will put in the effort.
If you are able to meet up very quickly, another option is to get the slave to suggest some options around the area the Master wants to meet. Again it is seeing whether the slave will put some effort into following orders.
It means as a slave you should prepare for these and be prepared to put in the effort for these initial tests. For myself, as someone who has moved countries to be with a Master I know that I am a real slave, and it does annoy me when a Master wants to test me, but I understand that the Master does not know if I am real or not, and this is His way of finding out, and so I will put best efforts into proving that to the Master by passing His test.
Something I would suggest to avoid is asking for cock / sex pics. To me this is a sign that Master is a fantasist and to be avoided. It happened to be last week and I want to throw my laptop at the wall.
I often have people ask me for more pics, and in my mind if the ones on my profile are not enough why are they asking, and in my mind, they are just asking for more pics to wank over.
It is also worth mentioning here that if you have the ability to meet up with each other as you live in the same city. Do it and ask the questions in person. It is much easier than doing it online, and much easier to build trust when you see each other in person.
Once I was luckily enough for a Master I just connected with to be flying to London (when I was living there), and I went to the airport to meet Him for a brief chat – I was given the task to suggest two places where we could meet at the airport for Him to choose. It allowed us both to see potential in the other. It also meant I was much more willing to engage in the tests and homework He set me.
What is the person like?
I think this is something we can often miss out. What is the Master / slave like as a person? We can talk about the sex, and we can talk about how living this as a lifestyle may be. But what is the person like?
From a slave point of view a Master is someone who You are going to put first above all things. If this is true, what sort of person they are is really important.
So I find it very useful to ask questions about themselves. I like to find out what values are important to them. How do they react to stressful situations in their lives.
The definition of values is: principles or standards of behaviour; one’s judgment of what is important in life.
Something I feel is very important to know in someone who might be taking complete control of my life.
You find examples of values here. You can even do a test to find out what your values are.
By finding out these you start to understand the person you want to serve.
Some examples of questions I have asked in the past are:
- “What are the values you hold onto that have been important in your life?”
- “How would people describe you?
- “How would your past slaves describe you as a person”
Notice how these are all open questions as well, and I am giving no bias as to what values I may think are important.
It is also important HOW someone may describe themselves. If they are showing off and saying how amazing they are, or If their responses are all angry, they are also telling You something about themselves as well.
This helps you understand the person, and whether they are someone you could serve and put first.
What would life be like with them?
This is where you may ask for detailed questions about how would the slavery feel and be with them. Would you work? How does work merge into serving?
For example if You’ve had a real bad day at the office and are very stressed. How does the Master cope with that? If their answer is to punish you, have the really thought things through?
I have ended up with a list of 35 different questions I could ask around here. Here is a selection of them:
- have they had any other slaves? – To find out what sort of household you are entering
- have they are partner and what does the partner think of this – To find out what sort of household you are entering
- do you love / care for your slaves – what sort of slavery
- what does Sir see as slaves final state after training Sir – What is the final product of Sirs training
- what happens with connection to family – how real is the Master. If they say no contact with anyone ever again. Is this realistic? Are they fantastising?
- what happens with connection to friends Sir – as point above
- is there a natural end to the relationship – looking for realism. Someone who says the relationship will never end is not thinking realistically as there can be many reasons why it could end
- how do You see the relationship starting, maturing? – has the Master thought about how things would change and mature?
- would a slave have blankets for warmth when sleeping – this is a personal question from experiencing Masters who did not provide a blanket this BUT had not realised that the slave might get cold without blankets when the heating gets turned off and it is -10 degrees outside.
- does Sir do safe sex – should always check this. Will the Master keep slave healthy.
- when having anal sex would slave douche – does the Master understand the role of douching in anal play etc.
But recently what I have found more interesting and useful is using the answers from previous questions to help me identify what the next questions would be.
What have they said in the previous answers that has scared me? What have they said that I did not understand? What am I not sure about? What do I need to clarify to understand further? What assumptions have I made and what can i ask the Master to validate the assumptions.
Using either method you can find out a lot about how a Master may be. An example is someone I once spoke to who would force his slaves to have vast quantities of alcohol or cannabis to control them. And when the slave serving him developed a neurological condition he put them in a home and then left them.
In about 15-30 minutes of talking I was able to easily see that this was not the sort of Master I was looking for.
Are they deranged / psychotic / dangerous
It can sometimes be easy to tell if someone is not quite right in the head from their answer. Such as the example of the person who would force feed his slaves drugs and alcohol to control them.
But for others it is much harder. I believe 24/7 attracts more than normal group of people who can be very manipulative and dishonest.
One of a Masters tricks can be do try and entrap You. By telling You what You want to hear to go and serve them. I always ask myself, what is so wrong or scary about what they actually want to do, that they will not honestly talk about it.
So how can you tell these people apart?
Part of this is in their actions. They have told you what they want, or what life would be like with them. Then if you go further you start exploring things with them. Maybe meeting up for short periods of time.
During this phase you can see if what they have told you matches reality. And if it does not, why? Are they lying?
Actions and behaviour communicate out what a person is really like, and if through their actions and behaviour you see a different person to what they presented when you were first asking questions you should be careful.
I once had someone who described themselves and life with them, and as time went on it became increasingly clear that things they had said were just not true. What they had done was find out what would attract me and then presented themselves offering that. But in reality it was not true, and they and done it to try and entrap me. I broke off the relationship at this point as it was clear they were very happy about lying and not worried if they were found out. Personally I cannot trust or have a relationship with someone like that.
Also look for if they try and manipulate you. If you ask a question and instead you get told it is the wrong question to ask, or if they tell you off for asking questions about things that concern you, then be careful. Why will they not ask simple questions? 24/7 slavery is something that requires very good communication. When someone starts to manipulate you, or to try and make you not ask certain questions, I would see this as alarm bells about the persons character and you should be careful.
It is here that is is also useful to ask some very brutal questions:
- can you go into more detail about what level or torture slave would expect.
- would slave expect any bones to be broken?
- is there any situation that Master would put slave in that would endanger its life.
- when punched, how hard would this be, would ribs be broken etc.
- how long would You expect slave to remain in service with You SiR
If someone says You would regularly have broken ribs from the torture they would inflict on you, do you want to engage with that? You might think these questions are a bit over the top and should not be needed to ask, but people have answered these questions in ways you may not expect and would put the slaves life in danger. I think it is better to be clear about these issues rather than assuming.
And again is someone does not want to answer, be very careful.
Is there the x-factor between us?
It does not matter how much communication you have. How much you may align if there is no connection.
It is why it is so important to try and meet up as soon as possible (after there is enough trust). Because the one thing you need is connection. I call it an X-Factor as you never know when it exists and when it does not.
There is one Master I have served a few times. On paper we should be the perfect fit. But in reality there is just not a connection between us. The X-Factor is missing. By meeting up within 6 weeks of contact, we both discovered that and knew it was not going to work. However we remain friends 6 years.
I believe the only way of finding out if there is a connection is being in the physical presence of each other.
Is the form of slavery/ Mastery what I want?
I have deliberately put this at the bottom of the article, as this is often the area we start asking questions, rather than the ones suggested above. But I believe this is something to look at a bit later.
Imagine if you ask the questions above and everything else is working well, would you now want to not see this person as they have a slightly different view of something.
Perhaps if all of the above is working, including the connection, these end up being more important that a particular form of bondage you may like.
It is also good to check this and see there is not something really important missing. But it should not be the only thing you ask.
Do they have potential?
As a slave you cannot be perfect for a Master until You have been trained by Him. A Master has their own quirks, likes and wants. Their job is to craft and shape You to their liking, to shape Your service to be what they want.
So a Master will be looking for the potential in a slave to be crafted to their need.
Here are some attributes/ qualities and values I would suggest a slave should have in order to have potential:
- Courage – to try new things
- A willingness to learn
- Curiosity – to try and learn new things, and later on how can the slave improve its service to the Master
- Flexibility – to change to what the Master wants
- Humility – i hope this is obvious!
- Honesty and transparency – to communicate well the Master how they feel and when they need help, if it they do not understand something.
This can be for learning new things in S&M. Perhaps You’ve never been flogged before and the Master likes flogging. Are you willing to try and learn it?
Or perhaps it is slave duties. I recently visited a Master in Montreal and He wanted me to drain His pond. I had no idea how to do that. So He told me what I needed to do, and then I learnt it by doing it. At no point did I say I could not do it, only I needed advise on how to do it.
And this can be related to tests a Master gives. I met a Master and He wanted a body builder slave. So He directed me to improve my body in the gym. Over the next months as we met He saw my body change, and from that saw I had the willingness and ability to shape my self to how He would like me.
The same Master wanted one of my main duties to be massaging Him. So i also spent time learning how to massage. When we met I then massaged Him based on my learnings. I was proving to Him I was willing to learn new skills in order to serve Him well.
I hope this helps give an idea of what to ask a Master and the question you might ask, and also what to expect back.