When a Master/slave relationship comes to an end what does one do? A Master / slave relationship is one of deep intensity and connection, and when that ends there are significant feelings and consequences. In this article I would like to explore what that can feel like, but then a suggestion about what we as a community should do for these events. So what happens: For this article I can only talk about the feelings from a slave side as that is what I have experienced. When I’ve had my relationship with a Master finish I often go through the cliche 5 stages of grief: denial anger bargaining depression acceptance I often use a metaphor to describe how it feels. You are standing on stop of a cliff, and when the relationship ends you are pushed off it. Now what happens when someone is pushed of a cliff? They panic and try and grab hold of anything that will stop

them from falling. And perhaps for a time they do. The find a branch and hold on, but eventually it cracks and you continue your fall. You instinctively fight it, but you are trying to fight against gravity. There is no way you can win against gravity. So inevitably you fall and crash to the ground with some force. You break into pieces, and then slowly start the process of putting yourself together again. If you choose to jump - to end the relationship - it can be easier to reach the bottom. But when you have no control over it (and as a slave you often will not), this can be a scary experience. You may not even realise you are falling (denial), and do anything to stop yourself from crashing to the ground. This happened to me last year. As I have grown older, I would like to think I have grown wiser, but when I was pushed…

I started to have a fascinating conversation with someone about what do you look for in a slave or Master, which has led to this article. The easy answer You look at the profile. See that it fits your needs and wants. Look at the photos and make sure the person looks good. Then you ask them what sort of play you do. Talk about the sessions that turn you on, and from there you know you have a match… …but of course this is not true. And does not work. The above is fine if you are looking for play but of you are looking for 24/7, or a more deeper relationship, are these really the important questions? What are the useful questions? Are they a fantasist? What is the person like? What would life be like with them? Are they deranged / psychotic / dangerous Is there the x-factor between us? Is the form of slavery/

Mastery what I want? Do they have potential? Are they a fantasist? It is an unfortunate fact of life that when looking for 24/7, you will have to go through a large number of people who are fantasists and are not actually looking. How can you find out who is real and who is not? As a slave one of the affective ways I have found is by asking questions unrelated to sex. An example is: “What would a typical day be like with you Sir?” The reason why I like this is that it tries to find out if the Master has thought about a real life with a slave or just play. Sex is just a small part of living it as a lifestyle, and you want to see this reflected in the answer. It is also a question that can take a little time to answer. So when people refuse to answer it or give a generic one sentence…

22 years ago, when I was 16, i started to read the first book in a fantasy trilogy called the Assassins Apprentice. I cannot remember a book speaking to me the way this one did, and main character who I could so easily understand. (Note there will be some spoilers below) Over many years more books came back in the same fantasy world, sometimes they would come back to the same characters i had so fallen in love with. And now it is all done. 16 books and 22 years later the writer has finished their work. i was in the school library reading the end of the first trilogy, to this day i remember the last line in the book: “We dream of carving our own dragon.” In this world, through magic, certain people could carve stone into creatures and fill themselves into it, creating a sort of immortality. And today as I fly back to

Berlin, I finished the final book. At the end, this character that, at 16 years old i have so loved, finally dies so at the end of his long life, spilling his life into stone and forming a wolf (rather than a dragon). And here I sit 22 years later. More hurt, more wise, more bruised, more lived, and facing my own decisions. How much of myself do I pour into the Master? Do I give freely all that i am pouring everything into him? Or do i hold part of myself back for the world. As i face the decision of giving all myself up into slavery, a close friend remarked that in what i give and do now to help people, and in what i could do, that pouring so much of myself into slavery could be a loss for the world. . How do i live? Do i stay in this world and help others, or do i give everything…

From fantasising about slavery to successfully finding a Master to serve, there are a number of stages a person can find themselves going through. In this blog's first joint article with slave sean we try to describe these stages. Fantasise Initial Meeting(s) The Slave/Submissive Realisation Experiencing the Reality of Slavery Finding a Master Enter into a Master/slave relationship Fantasy vs. Reality – Maintaining the Master-Slave Relationship in the Face of ‘Real Life’ New Discoveries Slavery as a Normal State of Being In part 1 we detail the first 4 stages. Fantasise As with most things it starts with the fantasy. Perhaps it is something you have fantasized on your own since you were young (for me I was 3-4 years old). Or did you come across a book or website that opened this world to you (I remember finding the www.thedoghouse.org (now defunct) on the second day I had internet access and suddenly found that other people not only had the

same fantasies as me, but actually lived them!). In the fantasy stage the person fantasizes, masturbates, but never actually does anything real. I would include the many people on recon and other chat sites who never meet, but endless talk and wank on their computer. Many people can spend their entire life in this phase. In this phase some common emotions someone can experience are fear, shame, and rejection. Fear People may never move into the next phase as they are to scared to realise their fantasies. To take that next step is to much. Or perhaps it would bring about to much change to their life - perhaps they are married with a wife for example. Here I would advise to have courage. Try and focus on the reasons why you might be scared. If you can identify them, you can then talk with people about those fears and how they might be overcome. Shame and rejection Other…

In 2013 I started to talk to a Master in the USA called Master Matthew. I was terrified about speaking to someone so real, and who was looking for one of the most intense forms of slavery I’ve ever come across. At the time I had been through a traumatic experience with a Master and had emotionally closed down and had walked away from slavery. Eventually the pull of service was to much for me to ignore and I embarked on a journey to refund my slavery. Master Matthew kindly took the time to guide and help me, allowing me to realise that true service comes through emotion. Now stop and think about that for a moment. Imagine trying to explain to someone who has shut off emotions that they need to feel again. It is something that you can understand on a theoretical level but it is not something you can feel, or practically understand until you are able

to start feeling again. So over a long period of time - it could have been over a year - He patiently kept on explaining this to me. I remember at the time struggling with it. All I knew was when I tried to serve someone, something was missing, and I did not know how to get it back. But eventually I did, and my ability to serve came back stronger by understanding how important emotion is to slavery. And that was thanks to Master Matthew. I think we were both surprised that over the years we kept in touch, and slowly over time, we found a relationship forming. One where we supported each other through the hard times and celebrated through the good. He is also the only Master I have ever bough a tribute for - to thank Him for all of His help and support over the years. I remember when I first met the Master (who…

The process for me to accept I wanted 24/7, and then the courage to start looking for it, was a long one. I wish I had known how hard it actually is to find a true 24/7 Master, as I would have spent much less time procrastinating over the decision. And the search is really hard. For anyone - Master, slave, leather brother - who is seeking the other - will find many people are actually fantasists and not really looking. Then with what is left some are incredible unstable, and others dangerous. And then with those left it is like any relationship. Trying to find someone you can trust and live with - all be it in a very different way. It is a path fraught with difficulties and disappointments. So how do we counter this, how do we deal with the challenges on the path we choose. With belief. Belief in ourselves, and belief in our journey.

We often relate belief to religion, a belief in a god or gods. But I think it is wider than that. All people need to believe in something. For some it is religion, for others it is a belief to not believe in a god. For others it is in capitalism, or a certain doctrine. Some people are fanatical in that belief. This is even true of fantastical atheists who do not believe in a god. They hold onto a strong belief there is no god. As humans we all want to believe in something greater than ourselves. I think we are hard wired to need this. For me the belief I have chosen is that I am a slave, and I need a Master to serve. To put it another way: I have been put on this planet to help people. Belief is a fire I like to think of belief as a fire. A fire must be fed fuel…

A few articles ago I wrote why a Master needs humility. This time I talk why a slave needs an ego to become a slave. Why is a slave having an ego controversial? In my discussions with Masters, and with my learnings, a slave needs to let go of their ego in order to serve well. In my most intense moments of serving, looking back I can see my ego was lowered to allow me to serve a Master better. And with a good Master, in a long term situation I have found myself on a journey where the Master is skilfully lowering the ego and opening up my submission and slave self. So if becoming a good slave is to lower an ego. Why would one also need a strong ego? To give up control to someone else requires strength To make the decision to live a very different life such as slavery requires strength. A strength of self and

a certainty to want something that is different. Some people try to become a slave to get away from their issues in their lives. But that is not a good reason to become a slave. To actively make the choice because you need it, as opposed go running away from life, requires strength. To decide on 24/7 slavery goes against society’s expectations. It is even seen as strange and “not right” with many people on the S&M scene. To play slave yes, but to want to do it full-time - that is strange and unusual. So there is a lot of pressure to not be a slave. To make a different decision. To decide to become a slave despite all of that pressure requires much strength of self in the slave. Submission over obedience. This is an article in itself (coming soon), and something I had not realised clearly until about two years ago. There is a big difference…

At the moment I find myself in a strange position. On one side I find myself missing the connection and service with a Master, and wanting one so much. And on the other side I find myself repelled at the idea of trusting someone, and opening myself up to serving and connecting with someone again. Why is this? Last year, through no fault of anyone, my relationship to a Master came to an end. And now I am on my journey back to not serving. When you meet a Master you start on a journey - a journey to understand them better, to serve them better. Your world view starts to focus much more onto them, and with that you start to find new ways of how you can please and serve them. It is normally a fun time, focussing on someone you want to put first. To love them, to love all the things they do. As a slave nothing

is better than to find new ways to make your Master happy. You are connecting and binding to your Master more and more. A good Master helps with this, finding ways to help the slave connect and bind more. Guiding the slave to better service. This can be psychological, it can be coaching, or it can be through S&M. Step by step you connect more, But when the relationship fails, or stops - for whatever reason you need to take all those steps in reverse. Each and every step you took towards the Master, you now need to take in reverse. But this time there is not someone helping you or guiding you. Rather than a Master helping you move towards a them, you only have yourself to move away. And rather than giving up control, you are taking it back. So often it is not a pleasurable experience. Though it may not be unpleasant, it is not a…

In this article we will talk about one of the many things a Master needs to be a good Master, and that is that any good Master needs humility. A strange statement to make. Is not humility something we seek in the slave, not the Master. But this contradiction can be answered by a question: How do we learn? Masters have large strong egos. And this should be expected in a person who has decided that their aim is life is to have someone serve and worship them. Only someone with a strong ego can think this. And then Masters who find themselves being served by a slave who loves them unconditionally will only find their ego growing. But someone whose ego is untempered will often not be able to learn. In order to learn we need to understand that there are still unknowns to be learned, there are mistakes to make and learn from, and that we can always improve

and become better. How do we do this? Through humility. Compared to a slave’s humility, a Master’s humility would be far smaller. But it still needs to be there. I often see people claiming to be tops or Masters who are unable to listen or to be taught. Instead, they believe they know best and they have nothing to learn. It is an awful combination as it is someone who is stuck as they are. Unable to improve, unable to change. When mistakes or issues occur, it is someone else fault, not theirs, because they are perfect. And when the same issues happen again and again, it is because the scene is full of people that do not understand what is required of them. I remember once a 20-30 year old coming into the Hoist in London. He interrupted me serving a Master demanding that I was now his. The Master I was serving very patiently tried to explain…

To seek something different is to become loneliness. To be different is to be set apart from others. As a slave finding his Master I feel this loneliness every day. To be a slave seeking to live the lifestyle, to find a Master, is to be different; and to be lonely. As I have slowly embraced my need to serve, not just in a session, or for play, but as part of my life; I have found myself set apart from others. From those that live a normal life - seeking partners, children, cats and dogs (and occasionally a Volvo) - but also from the S&M scene. In Europe, when you go to clubs, or to bars, almost everyone you meet is looking for a session. There are so few that want to live this life as a lifestyle. I have been lucky to meet a precious few slaves who also want to live the life as a slave. Some have

found their Masters. Some - like me - are still searching.  When we meet and talk we find a kindred spirit in the other. Something so rare we treasure when we find someone that is similar to ourselves. We all have many things in common. But in the case of loneliness, we share that feeling we are different to everyone else. But we also share something else. Strength. Strength to live with the knowledge we are set apart. Strength to continue searching. Strength to be alone. But in that loneliness and strength what are we doing? We are seeking. Why? So we are no longer alone, so we are no longer different. As a slave we seek a Master. A Man we can serve, so we can finally feel complete. And a Master seeks a slave so He can finally feel complete. That search must continue, but perhaps we should widen the search, to seek those few others that…