Safeguarding Yourself Against Fraud in the Kink and Master/Slave Scene

A Comprehensive Guide to Fraud in the Master/slave and Kink Scene

When we discuss finding a Master or slave, we often think of the connection and the vulnerability that can come with this, or perhaps amazing sex. When we find that someone, we come alive as a deep, profound part of ourselves is seen and used rather than repressed.

But people can play on this and use it to make you a victim of fraud.

Recently, at the time of writing this, there has been an increase in people contacting me about becoming a victim of fraud, so I have written this article to highlight the issue and how you can protect yourself.

Although this can happen to both Masters and slaves, all of the fraud that I am aware of has been reported by slaves. As a result, I have focussed this article on people pretending to be Masters framing slaves.

But this article will help anyone, be it experienced or beginner, Master or slave, who is looking for any kink relationship to protect themselves from fraud.

Please note that if you’ve experienced fraud within the Master/slave scene, it’s important to remember that the responsibility lies entirely with the perpetrator, not the victim. Fraudsters can manipulate the dynamics of trust and vulnerability, and recognising the signs of fraud is a step towards protecting oneself. This article aims to provide guidance and support, not to place blame on those who have been affected by these actions. If you find yourself a victim of fraud, know that it’s not your fault, and support is available to help you navigate through recovery.

Understanding Fraud in the Master/Slave Scene

Fraud in the Master/slave scene can take many different forms. This list showcases some of the most common forms but is not all-inclusive.

Asking for money before meeting

A common approach is to require money to meet up.

This might be in the guise that money must be paid before a simple meeting for coffee or a drink. They might even suggest it is a sign of proof of your sincerity to be a slave.

Or it might come in requesting money to rent for a play space or dungeon.

– Anyone who asks for money before a first meeting is a fraudster. Do not give them money and cut off contact.

  • Generally, any person asking for money for a first meet for a play space is probably a fraudster. Do not give them money and cut off contact.

If someone does this to you, recognise that they are most likely a fraudster and take steps to protect yourself.

Asking for money/possessions to keep the relationship going / Asking money as a sign of service

At this point, you have often met the person and might even have served them in person or online.

They are probably very skilled at making you feel good about being a slave and that you want to keep serving them.

They will then ask you for something. It might be money or an item—often an expensive item.

In one case, I know of a person pretending to be a Master who asked them to buy leather clothes for thousands of dollars.

Any person asking for money to keep the relationship going is a fraud. Cut off contact.

If someone does this to you, recognise that they are most likely a fraudster and take steps to protect yourself.

Asking for money or possessions so you can become an owner, slave/submissive

This is similar to the above but is done in the specific case of being collared or owned. Often, you will need to sign a slave contract that says you are now owned and their slave.

They might send you a cheap collar or nothing at all. They might require you to buy your own slave collar.

They will often request a large amount of money or an expensive possession to take ownership of you. Often as a tribute to them.

In one case, I know of a submissive who bought their new Master an expensive item to be owned by them.

Being an owned slave should never require you to pay or give the Master something to prove you are worthy. Your gift is the most any Master could hope for.

Sending compromising pictures

If you are being asked to send compromising pictures, do not unless you trust the person. You should never have to send a compromising picture to someone.

Tip: Send face pics and cock pics separately. i..e you do not have to send a picture with your face if you show your cock or genitals.

The reason for this is that some people will use compromising pictures as a form of blackmail to get money from you.

FinDom in the Kink community

FinDom is a complex subject. For some people, it is an insult to what the Master/slave scene should be. For others, it can be their only chance to feel like a slave.

I have come across many people who, because of how they look, their age, or for some other reason, find it very hard to find a Master, and so FinDom is one of the few ways they can use to satisfy their needs as a slave.

For other people, they can be too scared to meet someone in person, so FinDom is the most real way for them to serve without actually serving.

One issue with FinDom is that it normalises the idea one should pay to be able to serve a Master. This can prime people up to be frauded by someone else. 

This is not the case. A genuine Master/slave relationship will never require money.

Fraud in FinDom

But there is much fraud in FinDom.

There are many FinDoms out there whose only reason for doing this is to make a large amount of money. Many of these people are straight (and use this as a selling point); they often might be married and have children and only do this as a money-making enterprise.

I’ve had people contact me who were giving money to a FinDom, and when they stopped as they could not afford any more, the Master cut off contact straight away. The Master was only willing to engage when the person was willing to pay money again.

A genuine Master/slave relationship is not one based on the exchange of money. And if the only way you can have your needs met by this person is through money, then in the end, there is something wrong with the relationship.

Pay to much

An unscrupulous FInDom will often get people to pay more money with no regard or concern for how this might impact the slave – whether they can afford this or not.

This is a major red flag.

Addictive nature of FinDom

An issue with FinDom is how addictive it can be. Paying a small amount of money provides the thrill of serving. 

Although this might be the only way some people feel they can serve, it is very surface-level and empty compared to a genuine power exchange relationship.

And much like addiction to drugs, people find they need to pay more and more frequently to get the same hit.

Unscrupulous FinDoms can tap into the need to serve and the addictive thrall of FonDom, which means you pay far more than you should.

FinDom websites

There are many video websites where you can talk and see a Master – often a FinDom. Often this shows a hugely muscled and good-looking man in a chair or on a sofa (often with a substantial erect dick) talking to all the people watching by typing on his keyboard.

Sometimes, these are real people. But there are other cases where this is not a live video.

Instead, someone has bought a multi-hour-long video of someone else, and they are now broadcasting this video, pretending to be this person.

One option is to ask the person to stand up or do something else to prove they are there.

Be aware that although some of these people are real. Many are not; often, the person behind the scenes is only concerned with money and does not care about you.

What you should do if you are worried about FinDom

My personal view is that no one should do FinDom – a genuine Master/slave connection does not require money.

But if you are doing FinDom, use these questions to help you:

  • How much are you willing to pay?
  • Decide what your limit is and how regularly you pay someone.
  • Are you breaking your limit?
  • Are you paying an amount that will cause you hardship?
  • If you stopped paying this person, will they stop contacting you?
  • If this person is encouraging you to pay and give more, regardless of whether you can afford it,
  • Do you feel you are getting addicted to this?

Decide whether you are in a healthy place based on how you answer these questions. 

If you realise you’re in an unhealthy place, what should you do? Some recommendations are to:

  • Stop or reduce contact and payment – sometimes, we cannot just stop, so the first step is to reduce before stopping entirely at some point  in the future
  • Speak to some trusted friends that you are struggling
  • Speak to a therapist or coach
  • Look for the real thing! If serving means so much to you, perhaps it is time to find a real person.

We interviewed an ex-Dom recently on the podcast. From this, FinDom is a complex subject where, for some people, it is the only way they feel their needs as slaves can be met.

Or Listen to this here.

Why does fraud happen on the Master/slave and Fetish scene?

Many slaves have a huge, intense desire to serve a man as their Master.

This is a vast, untapped need that the mainstream parts of society cannot meet. Often, this need is also repressed by fear and shame. When we overcome these challenges, we find it can be incredibly hard to find someone.

The need for slavery is challenging to fulfil in this world. For the most part, we can go through life without noticing the need. But when we encounter someone who activates our need, we realise how much we miss this.

So we can lose all reason when we find someone we think will help us fulfil those needs, even if it is only in a small way they are being fulfilled.

We must be aware of how overpowering and all-encompassing this need can be. A year ago, I experienced this when I came across a profile that spoke to me like a few others did.

Even though I knew this was an overreaction to the profile, it was tough to control. And this was just from reading a profile. 

So, when we find someone we are interacting with who hits our need for slavery, it can be overwhelming.

It is important to note that this can sometimes be because we are horny, and this sexual need has taken over. But more often, it is so much more than sex. It hits our mind, body and soul.

When speaking with someone new, we must always be careful about our desires and needs and keep them from taking us over. This way, we can protect ourselves against fraud.

Check out this companion article on protecting yourself from dangerous people on the scene.

The Anatomy of a Master/slave Fraudster – red flags to be aware of

Rushed progression

Is the person pushing you to quickly move to a Master/slave dynamic without taking the time to build trust?

Other ways this can manifest

  • Being told you are not a true slave unless you move quickly
  • You are told you are not a sincere and authentic slave unless you are going to pay money
  • A sign of true devotion and service would be to send money or provide a tribute
  • Being told you are asking immature or wrong questions when trying to build trust

Requesting Money or even Financial Information Early On

Overemphasis on Financial Domination (FinDom) Without Consent

Resistance to Questions or Transparency

Pressure to Share Personal or Sensitive Information

Guilt-Tripping or Emotional Manipulation

Too Good to Be True

Excessive Secrecy

Excessive Jealousy and Possessiveness, along with Isolation from Friends, Family, or the Community

Lack of References or Community Connections

Fraudsters can happen anywhere

Although much of this will happen online, it can happen in person.

The story of someone who was asked to pay thousands of dollars for leather was after the slave had met the Master in the bar.

So be aware this can happen everywhere.

What if I realise I’m  a victim of fraud in the Master/slave scene

  1. Stop Communication – Cease all communication with the Master. If they control any of your accounts or personal information, change your passwords and security settings immediately. Check out this article on ending a Master/slave relationship.
  2. Contact Support Organizations – Reach out to support groups or organisations within the BDSM or Master/slave community. They can offer advice, support, and sometimes legal assistance for victims of fraud. They may also help spread awareness to prevent the fraudster from victimising others. Information is below on these.
  3. Secure Your Online Presence – Review and strengthen the security of your online profiles and accounts. This includes social media, forums, and other platforms where you interact with community members.
  4. Online Reporting Platforms – Report the fraudster to any online platforms, websites, or forums where you interacted. This can help get their accounts suspended or banned, reducing their ability to harm others.

Should you report fraud on the Master/slave scene?

It can be hard to say. A lot of shame comes up with being defrauded around this topic. And if you have willingly paid money to someone, you might have little recourse.

But depending on the amount, context and what happened, sometimes it can be worth doing this, which is why I recommend speaking to the support organisations; they have the skills and expertise to help you.

As a first step, I would recommend speaking with:

  • golap – The support LGBT+ people who have experienced abuse and violent
  • NCSF – they have several resources, including incident-supporting

In addition, check out the additional resources section for other support groups in the Master/slave community that can help you.

But if you do wish to move forward, also do the following:

  1. Document Everything: Collect and secure all communications, financial transactions, and any other evidence of fraud. This includes messages, emails, transaction records, and other documentation supporting your case.
  2. Potentially Notify Financial Institutions – If the fraud involves financial transactions, contact your bank or credit card issuer immediately to report the fraud. They can advise on steps to secure your accounts and may be able to reverse fraudulent transactions.

Emotional support for Fraud as Masters and slaves

When you are a victim of fraud, there can be an array of emotions.

  • Shock and Disbelief: You might find it hard to believe that someone you trusted could deceive you. This disbelief can be extreme if the relationship feels genuine and meaningful. And as a slave, you really found that need fulfilled in a way it never had before.
  • Shame and Embarrassment: Victims can often feel shame or embarrassment about having been deceived, especially if the fraud involved topics such as being a slave. This can make it challenging to seek help or support.
  • Anger and Betrayal: Anger towards the fraudster for betraying and manipulating your trust is common. You might also feel angry with yourself, although it’s important to remember that the responsibility for the fraud lies with the perpetrator. Not you!
  • Sadness and Grief: You may grieve the loss of the relationship or the person you believed the fraudster to be. This grief can be for the emotional investment, the time wasted, or the fantastic future you imagined as a slave. The relationship had felt very real to you, that your submissive self had come alive. The loss you feel of this side no longer being fed – even if it was due to a fraud – is very real. Check out these articles I wrote to help you with your grief.
  • Anxiety and Fear: Anxiety about the financial repercussions, the impact on your reputation, or the possibility of encountering similar situations in the future is expected. Victims may also fear for their safety if the fraudster has personal information.
  • Isolation: Due to shame or fear of judgment, victims might isolate themselves from others, worsening feelings of loneliness and depression.

What can you do in the future?

  • I recommend finding a trusted friend you can speak to about what happened. If you’re failing that, try to find some trusted people in the community. Or a therapist or a coach. Some support links can be found here.
  • Seek Professional Support: A therapist or counsellor, particularly those experienced with trauma or financial abuse, can help navigate the emotions and offer strategies for healing.
  • Community Support: Engaging with support groups, either in-person or online, can provide a sense of community and understanding from others who have had similar experiences.
  • Educate Yourself: Understanding the tactics used by fraudsters can empower you and help mitigate feelings of self-blame. Reading this article is a good start!
  • Creative Outlets: Expressive activities like writing, art, or music can provide therapeutic ways to process emotions.
  • Self-Care: Prioritizing self-care and setting healthy boundaries in future relationships can help rebuild self-esteem and trust in one’s judgment.

But the big thing is to learn – take what happened and learn from it so it cannot happen again.

How can I prevent being a victim of Fraud in Kink, Fetish or the Master/slave scene? 

There is one straightforward way, and that is to trust slowly and not pay money.

I often talk about the staircase of trust with my clients. Although when you find someone, and it can be fascinating, trust slowly.

Wait until you meet the person numerous times before going too deep.

And if someone is asking or pressing you for money in the first contact, cut off contact.

By reading this article, you are protecting yourself. If you want to go deeper, I also suggest:

Final thoughts

In navigating the Master/slave scene, the most crucial tools are knowledge, awareness, and community. 

By understanding the tactics used by fraudsters and knowing where to find support, you can better protect yourself and others from harm. 

Remember, the essence of Master/slave and any power dynamic relationship is built on trust, consent, and mutual respect; anything that deviates from these deserves scrutiny. 

I encourage everyone within the scene to look out for one another, share experiences, and continue to build a safe, informed, and supportive community.

Your journey in exploring your needs and desires should be one full of joy, fulfilling you as the unique being you are. And it should be free from the shadows of deceit. 

Stay informed, stay connected, and most importantly, stay safe.

Thank you to everyone brave enough to contact me—this article would not have happened without you.