7 secrets of chastity you wished you had always known

When I first read about chastity, my mind could not get over it. That a Master could lock my cock away and I would have no access to it, that I would be unable to cum. That my sexual energy would build and build and build.

And how a Master would use that sexual energy to control and dehumanise more, to move me to the state and mind where He wanted me.

For the 18-year-old me, the idea was so compelling that it was one of the few times I came in my pants without touching myself (ironic, given what subject was turning me on).

But over the 20 years, I have been a slave practising chastity on and off, I have learnt some lessons about chastity: the power of it, the danger and what to watch out for, how bloody hard it can be, and when done right, how amazing it can be.

Often, when we see chastity on Twitter (I will not call it X!) – especially for Locktober, it looks like chastity is easy. But it can be very challenging. Especially when we feel so horny we can do nothing about it.

And some of us – quite righty then cum and then feel bad about it.

But there are some things we can be aware of that can help us cope better and even move deeper into chastity.

Understanding sexual energy

To do chastity well, we first must understand how sexual energy and chastity work.

You can see sexual energy in two ways

  • Creative energy – where you are giving to yourself
  • Destructive energy – where you are taking from yourself.

To understand the difference, think of creative energy as spending the night masturbating (not just 10 minutes). You light the candles, maybe have a bath, and spend a good amount of time pleasuring yourself. You are giving yourself an experience; you are giving yourself a treat. I often have a tantric orgasm when I am in this space.

Whereas destructive energy is when we feel that sexual energy, find it unpleasant, and quickly cum to get rid of it. For me, this can be waking up with a hard-on and deciding to cum to get rid of it. I am doing something quickly and efficiently to feel more comfortable. But in doing so, I am also taking something out of my body.

This creative and destructive energy can also exist with sex when we try to find someone to have sex with quickly. We do not care much who, but we need someone to eliminate the unpleasant feeling – this is also taking.

Alternatively, we can also meet someone and find great connections where we spend quality time having an orgasm that gives us more energy.

This is also true for chastity.

When we stop ourselves from being able to cum and orgasm, we can use this energy creatively or destructively.

For example: When we put ourselves in chastity, and the only thing we focus on is when we are next going to cum we are moving into a more destructive place. 

Rather than focusing on when we will next cum, we stay in the now of the sexual energy building within use due to chastity. We channel that energy into other pursuits. It could be deeper submissions, new fetishes, a creative project, or doing better at the gym. Anything you can think of. 

Some people who successfully use chastity find they are no longer distracted by masturbating or wondering when they will do it next. Instead, they use this spare capacity to focus on other things.

Now, chastity has become this creative place. A mindful place where we accept the sexual energy and channel it creatively instead of waiting until we can get rid of it.

Channeling sexual energy

To put oneself in chastity or put in it by another person, one needs to ask what do I do with this sexual energy, as the sexual energy will build up.

As a slave, I learned to channel that energy into serving and pleasing the Master. As long as I could serve my Master, I could cope with not cumming as that energy was being channelled.

It also allowed me to go deeper into submission and explore new fetishes. 

When I moved to Berlin, I was under chastity control with the Master. I was not in a device, instead, I was trained to have a mindset where I would not cum – find out more about this in this podcast episode.

I probably came once every three months (typically kneeling at my Master’s boots, cumming onto them and licking up my cum afterwards.)

But as the relationship became strained (due to personal issues between the Master and his partner), I could no longer serve him regularly like I had been doing. But I was still under chastity control. This meant the energy built and built and built.

It built up so much that the energy became very unhealthy for me. Because I had trained myself to channel that energy in service to the Master, I struggled now that I could not do that. And so this energy became very unhealthy.

It grew to an unhealthy amount, and my body struggled to cope with it. And I reached a place where my body started to go into depression.

Eventually, I broke up with the Master. And this meant I could now cum. But at first, it was not about pleasuring myself but just getting rid of this overwhelming energy in my body. There was no pleasure in it at all.

I had moved into taking – I was trying to get rid of the sexual energy away from me.

I also went into depression because I had broken up with the Master.

It took about four months until I started to have pleasurable orgasms again.

So, when in chastity, be sure to channel that energy. As a slave, it will typically be in service to the Master. 

But if you are not able to serve your Master often – for example, you live apart – you need to find other ways to channel the energy to stay in a healthy place.

So, regardless of whether you have a Master, you must figure out how to channel your energy.

  • perhaps it is in service and submission
  • perhaps there is a creative project you can move that energy to
  • social impact work
  • or some other activity

But trying chastity without channelling that energy can become uncomfortable and dangerous.

Repressing your sexual energy

When that energy becomes too much, or you cannot channel it, you can instead repress your entire sex drive.

I find that as unhealthy as not channelling the energy.

Last year, I stayed with two Masters for two months. Unfortunately, they decided they were not mentally able to properly train me (despite me flying halfway across the world to go and serve them). 

So I was not serving them as a slave, and yet I was under chastity. This means I could not channel my sexual energy into service. This time, I subconsciously shut down my sex drive.

After I left them, I started to cum again, but the energy felt very off. It was like a fire had gone out inside me, and I had to learn to reignite it again.

To cope with my situation, I had essentially taken all sexual energy away from myself. I was not in a creative space.

It took me two good months before I felt my sexual energy was in a good state. I could cum, but there was not a good energy or pleasure to it.

Some people might think this is a good thing. And perhaps, for some people, it is. They find the sexual energy too distracting; having it gone is better for them.

But other people – and I include myself here – like the sexual energy and find that sexual energy helpful in serving and becoming more creative. Therefore, having a situation or someone shut that energy down feels awful and unhealthy.

This might be a bias in my experience, but often, I have found this does occur with Masters who do not care that much about the needs of the slave. Having a slave’s sexual energy shut down means the Master does not need to treat the slave as a slave, meaning the master gets an easy life not needing to care about the slave – read more here about the importance of a slave’s needs.

So when going in chastity, make sure it is being done healthily – something that brings out your slavery and submission more, and you also have other things to direct your sexual energy.

But it can be done right!

Go Deeper

When done right, chastity allows us to discover more things about ourselves. As Denying Thumper said when I interviewed him for the podcast, chastity can often bring you deeper into submission and allow you to discover more fetishes.

Be Honest with the Master

When with a Master – be honest about it with him – say if you are struggling and you need help. A good Master will help you through those moments. Sometimes this might even mean allowing you to cum.

It can be much more challenging when you do not live with the Master as you cannot always channel the energy into service – so you need to find other projects and things you channel that sexual energy into.

Discuss with the Master where you can channel that energy, such as a creative project when you are not with him.

Use a report

When I train a slave in chastity, I often get them to keep a chastity journal. Each day, they score out of 10 how they feel (10 being the most unfordable) and a quick sentence on how they have found chastity over the last 24 hours.

I can then track how the slave is struggling or not and make decisions to help with this. For example, if the slave struggles to sleep, they can sleep with the cage off one night. Or that they can cum.

Using a journal, you see the general pattern of what is happening, whether they are getting too horny or repressing their sexual energy. You can then make decisions as a Master to manage this sexual energy. A benefit of using a journal is that you can separate the slave from making requests. Instead, they provide information in the journal, and you make decisions. This way, the slave does not know why you are making the decisions, which creates more control over the slave.

If you do not have a Master, it can be worth tracking how you feel to manage your sexual energy healthily.

Adapt to the sex drive

It is also important to note how large your sex drive is. Sometimes my testosterone levels are very high, making me significantly more horny. At these times, a week of chastity is the equivalent of a month. And so I would often have permission to cum once a week.

So adapt your chastity to the slave. One slave might have no issues going a month. Whereas another might struggle with a few days.

Over time, you can train and extend these periods while keeping them within healthy boundaries for a slave.

I keep track of the phases of the moon

Note when your sex drive goes up and down

Our sex drive can change over time. Keeping a journal made me realise my sex drive is closely related to the moon. I am incredibly horny at a full moon, and with no moon, my sexual energy will be shallow.

Knowing this also allows you to manage your sexual energy, especially when under chastity.

Find a community 

Sometimes, we do not have a Master, and we do this alone. Is there a friend you can talk to or a community you can talk to, such as the chastity channel in the Master/slave lifestyle community

Finding the best chastity device

Many people who start chastity are surprised that chastity devices do not work well with them.

This is often around finding the right belt for your cock and balls. Sometimes, it is finding the suitable device that suits you best. Finding one with the correct measurements and sizes is essential regardless of which device.

Start with more inexpensive chastity devices first to figure out the correct size. You can purchase a more expensive device when you have a good idea of the best fit.

Lube your device

Sleeping can be the worst time with a cage as your testosterone level goes up and down during the night, leading to hardons. These press against the cage and can lead to pain and the need to piss multiple times a night.

Therefore, to sleep well:

  • Use lube – a few drops in the cage and around the ball ring can help make it more comfortable during the night
  • Ensure the ring is not too small – a too-small ring will cause a lot of pain at night when you have uncontrollable erections.
  • Take it off one night – as long as you can control yourself for one night, take it off to have a comfortable night’s sleep.
  • Over time, your body will adjust – I know one person, and it took them a month, but after a month, the body started to adjust, and they could sleep better!

Remember, when you do cum

The final thing to remember is when you do cum – being when the Master allows, or if you have put yourself in chastity – do this in a creative way.

Make a date with yourself and spend the night pleasing yourself; go to the creative place and enjoy yourself.

If you try and cum as quickly as possible, it might feel intense, but the experience will probably underwhelm you.

This is why some people can discover when they come out of chastity and cum, rather than having the best orgasms of their life, they find it disappointing.

So ensure you stay in the creative sexual space, both in chastity and when you cum out.