Principles for Managing Financial Control in BDSM Relationships

Built Trust Slowly

Trust can often be mistaken for binary – we trust or do not. That trust is black or white. A safer, more effective way to view trust is as a staircase with many steps. That trust builds slowly over time.

In any relationship where there is control, both parties should trust slowly, building trust over time and giving up control over time. 

This is also true with financial considerations.

I know of cases where a slave sold his house and possessions and gave all his money to a Master, only for the Master to disappear. The Master was a fraud. But the slave has also trusted too quickly too soon.

Often, it is best to build that trust slowly. Perhaps, even if the ultimate end is to have complete control over a slave, including finances, this does not happen initially but is something that builds over some years.

What is correct depends on each Master/slave relationship. However, use these guides to help you.

• Build trust slowly over time.
• Do not feel pressure to do something you are not comfortable with 
• Disconnect the turn-on from reality – Although financial control can be a turn-on and an ultimate end for slavery, doing this too quickly and too soon can lead to a slave making bad decisions.
• Disconnect the longing for service from the brain. As slaves, it can be so hard to find that Master or family, so when we do find someone we believe is viable, we want to give ourselves over to them as quickly as possible. But often, this means short-circuiting our brain and common sense. Make sure what you are giving – be this money or your heart and soul – is not too much too quickly.

Here are some questions to help you with that.

• How much do you trust this person with your money or sharing your finances? 
• How long have you known them for? Is this long enough to do what you want to do?
• Are you frightened if you say no, you will lose the Master – what does that say about him?
• Do you feel you are being pressured to give money away too quickly?
• Master – do you feel ready to take responsibility for this much control?
• How happy are you to micro control this slave – are you happy to do this forever

Be clear on who pays for what

These things need to be decided as part of the relationship. Over time, they can change. Having clear roles and who is paying for what is essential to deciding between Master and slave.

I once had a partner, and we had decided on proportionate incomes for bills and the mortgage. He would also pay much more around the holidays, earning three times more than me. 

We also had an explicit financial agreement created that detailed who paid what on the mortgage and how it would be split out if we broke up.

This helped us avoid a heavy legal battle when we broke up. 

I once visited a Master couple for a limited period when I was young, and we were not clear about the expectations around money, and the Master became very upset with me as I had not paid for petrol at once. I had not realised I should have and felt terrible. However, these unclear expectations ended up causing a lot of conflict that could have been avoided. 

What is good for the household

A slave may earn more; a Master might earn more. What is the best way to combine things so the household works better?

It is a household with many people all at different points in their lives and careers, so people’s ability to pay can be very different to each other.

This perspective is no longer one about control but more about how all members can get the most out of the household and allow the household to do more without anyone person feeling they are being put upon!

the slave is very well-paid, and the Master is retired. However, I also have a family member that I must care for. We ended up agreeing that I would pay a contribution to Masters household as I live there for most of the week. 
I feel it helps the household, and we can do more things.
If we go out, I am happy to pay for dinner as it allows us to do more as a family.

slave c

We’re in a poly – everyone has different incomes, but we all cohabitate. For shared bills, we use proportionate accounting, where the bill is split proportionately to your income. There’s a time limit for sharing these bills to keep finances moving…and after the time limit, we understand it was a gift.  I like the proportionate approach because it has improved the quality of life for everyone in my pack.

Master D

What is good for the slave

In a situation where the slave is more controlled, the slave can be in a naturally weaker position. If the slave is coming into a household that already is owned by the Master and the slave owns nothing, the slave is in a weaker position.

Often, in a Master/slave relationship, the slave can be in a weaker, more vulnerable position.

Therefore, it can often be essential to ensure the security and safety of the slave both now and in the future.

Read the series in Finances in Master/Slave Dynamics

This is part of a series of articles on Finances in Master/Slave Dynamics.

• Financial arrangements in Master/slave relationships
• Principles for Managing Financial Control in BDSM Relationships
• Financial challenges and considerations for Total Power Control Master/slave relationships
• Financial issues for Master/slave Households and other Polyamorous arrangement

Plus, the following articles are available in the Master’s Vault Subscription

• Understanding Legal Frameworks in Master/Slave Financial Dynamics
• Why is financial control in a Master/slave relationship important?
• Legal Frameworks for Master/slave Households and polyamorous relationships
• Selling property or financial issues when leaving a Master/slave household

👉 Find out more about Master’s Vault